by Withered Honky

Political activist group Amnesty International yesterday officially unveiled it's much anticipated campaign to free 70s pop tart and all-round jolly scamp Gary Glitter.
 
Glitter, real name Paul Sexworthy Gadd, won popularity with a string of glamorous child rape-and-fiddle charges, most notably in 1986 when he succeeded in raping 372 toddlers and pre-teens simultaneously and in 1992 when he raped 23 babies in a supermarket with a can of hairspray. However, his popularity has in recent times been gravely marred by the ominous shadow of his frankly piss-poor glam-rock career.

It has recently been discovered that during the late 70s and early 80s Glitter surreptitiously released a string of outrageous rock 'n' roll songs in almost total secrecy. The discovery of such tracks as the unforgivably shit “Wanna Be In My Gang” and the puerile “Love Me Love You Love” lead to Richard Madeley branding Glitter a “pervert” during recording for the Richard and Judy Show. Michael Winner followed these comments by inserting a whole Gary Glitter album into his anus in protest on live television. A media feeding-frenzy ensued.

Glitter then fled to Thailand where he was widely praised for his tireless work trawling red-light districts and molesting underage sex-industry workers with his sweaty glans. Sadly he just couldn't resist entering the recording studio and was promptly apprehended and potentially faced the death penalty for crimes against humanity. This sentence was however disregarded as a possibility after a trial hearing was moved to tears of sympathy as tales of Glitter's previous commendable molestations were heard. Hence the sentence was commuted to 3 years in a Thai prison, still a “fucking tragedy” according to Sidney Bumford, campaign leader for Amnesty.

Amnesty International urges all Textual Molester readers to send “shitloads” of letters demanding the instant release of this much loved figure, and calls for Glitter's arresting officers to be publicly branded “twats”.