Anal Cunt's Seth Putnam suffers severe seizure: re-assesses life
  by Chegro McAfree
“You're a fucking vegetable, we tried to pull the plug
But you still
wouldn't die, you're a dumb stupid fag
You shit in a bag, you piss in a
tube
You can't walk, you can't move
You're in a coma
I tried to
give you a hotfoot, but you didn't notice
You're gay and you're in a
coma, you're a fruit and a vegetable”
Anal Cunt - "You're In a Coma"
Lyrics we all know and love, but in an ironic twist Seth
Putnam, vocalist of the legendary band suffered a similar such fate.
in sickness…
As Putnam dictates on his website www.sethputnam.com: “I had a
seizure, which caused me to go into a coma for like two months...I
almost died, and when I survived the doctors wanted to pull the plug on
me because they thought I was going to be a vegetable for the rest of
my life…I can’t walk or use my hands properly, but I am working on all
that and coming along well.” He later added "Cat. Pepsi. Milk"
…and in brain damage
The confluence of several lives worth of drug abuse and ingestion of
toxic afro-spray fumes; Putnam fell into the coma an oft-loathed
anti-Semitic crackhead; but has awoken a new, re-vitalized Christian. Bandmate Josh Martin has gathered at his bedside,
soothing him with breast massages and intimate bed-side
jam sessions; noting the miraculous change in demeanor. “We were up
rocking Billy Joel tunes all night. I’m just happy to be playing music
again.” Martin continued “Seth’s embrace of religion has given me
the confidence to wear women’s clothes in public, as well as in public
toilets.”
In the spirit of things, Putnam has re-named the band Awesome Christ.
“I’ve spent whole life poking fun at others.” Putnam drools
“This is chance for me to right all the people I’ve wronged, to give
back to the community. God brought me back for a reason; to spread his
love through music. I also wearing Jewfro 100% natural from now on.”
Putnam continued, before promptly soiling himself.
Awesome Christ's debut album "Sorry" is scheduled to feature the tracks
"Jews Aren't Really all That Gay", "I Snuck Myself Into a Spermbank",
"I Went Back in Time and Prayed For Jesus" and "Wipe My Bum Please Andi
Peters".
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