INTERVIEW WITH P.A METAL TITANS ELEGANT DEATH
BY "MORBID" DAVE SUFFERING, THE DEATH METAL DUDER!!!
L-R:
Galactucus Sphere (bongo programming), Jeff Cockworth (rhythm
accordian), Random Whore (creampies), Bob the Builder (mandolin/vocals)
and Gayer than Opera (noseflute).
DEATH METAL DUDER: Dude
your band is like totally operatic in like a metal way, like its like
got the atmosphere of my ass after a bitching taco bell session
listening to Cathedral naked, rocking out with my cocking out!
BOB THE BUILDER: Is that a compliment? Is this for real? Anyway, we strive
to have a truly royal form of metal that transcends the pettiness of
most extreme bands.
DMD: Duder, are you like hitting on
me cause your picture just winked at me and you seem to have a large
metal rod in your ass from my rockin' standpoint my metallic dudeski?
B the B: You must be on crack. That is a long sword I bought whilst vacationing in Dublin.
DMD:
Whilst? Are you like a Norweigan fag or something? Duder speak the
language of true metal man, what would Man O' War think if they saw you
fondling your queer little sword duder?
B the B: Man O'
War? Hah, a pathetic joke from a bygone error of metal idiocy. We are a
symphony, they are a synthesizer. That sword is quite real and could
cut you down to size I am sure.
DMD: You are so gay and lame for making fun of Man O' War. Lame gay duder…do you eat the cereal Death Metal Dudes?
B
the B: What cereal? You are a lying, simpleton joke and obviously
homophobic. I do not eat any cereal, just virgin's blood on the
night of the full moon.
DMD: Do you have like two hot
goth chickies to sing the gay parts or is that just two really gay
looking queer duders with no metal gonards?
B the B: We have one female vocalist named Shelia. I don’t know who else you speak of.
DMD: Dude what bands do you like? I would think you would like big time homo bands like Fate’s Warning and Anathema?
B of B: I like neither of those timid groups - Katatonia and Maelstrom are worthy adversaries.
DMD: Duder, hate to break the metal news to ya, but those bands are gayer than U2 and Red Lorry Yellow Lorry…
B of B: This interview is over...grow up...
DMD: Shit man, I am 38, duder, damn metal dudeskies, I need me some Marlboro 27s pronto…these uptight art fag dudes! |
Shop 
by Withered Honky
trawling red-light districts and molesting underage sex-industry workers with his sweaty glans. Sadly he just couldn't resist entering the recording studio and was promptly apprehended and potentially faced the death penalty for crimes against humanity. This sentence was however disregarded as a possibility after a trial hearing was moved to tears of sympathy as tales of Glitter's previous commendable molestations were heard. Hence the sentence was commuted to 3 years in a Thai prison, still a “fucking tragedy” according to Sidney Bumford, campaign leader for Amnesty.